The Things I Don't Pray About

There are some things I don’t pray about.  Weather. Mild family illnesses. Getting to sleep. I used to pray about these things. In the middle of the night, trying to get a fussy baby to sleep. The week before a camping trip, when the forecast calls for rain all weekend. When a head cold sneaks in at the most inconvenient of times. I used to beg God to intervene, to make the child go to sleep, stop the rain, and banish the cold. And He usually didn’t. Then I would be frustrated, mad at Him for not changing the situation, as I knew He could if He wanted to. So rather than be disappointed, rather than be angry, I stopped praying about those sorts of things. I wasn’t sulking, not resentful. I plainly told God I would not be asking Him to change those situations anymore, except in the most undemanding of ways—“If it’s okay with You, if You don’t mind,  if it doesn’t mess up any of your other plans. . . . “

Until a couple of weeks ago. I was up all night with Noah and a ruthless stomach virus. If you’ve ever been up with a miserably sick child, you know what that’s like. What I wanted to do was to pray for God to stop it, to make it end, to take it away. Immediately. But I found myself praying differently this time. I prayed for His strength to make it through the night, for Him to help us, to be with us. And His answer, whispered to my heart, was always, “I Am”. His presence was there. He did give strength. Throughout the night, during and after each new episode of misery, and as I lay trying to rest between them, I asked Him to help us and be with us. And each time: “I Am.”

As a parent, if my children are miserable and I have the power to change the situation for them, I would do it. I don’t understand why, with the ability to change things, He chooses not to. But I’m not as wise as He is.  And I do see, in the middle of what’s happening, He does not abandon us.  He is there.  And that, actually, is enough.

It’s not like this idea is new to me. I’ve heard it before. Read it before. But it hasn’t really changed the way I pray. Until now. Now there’s nothing I won’t pray about. Because, although I don’t understand, although I may not agree with His choices, I know He’s with me. And it’s enough.